The Singles Aren't The Selfish Ones

Revisiting the "Selfish" article http://dragonatrix.blogspot.com/2012/09/selfish.html

To surmise, the claim was that I was selfish because I was not in a relationship and didn't want one in any form (no friends with benefits, no one night stands, no dating, no third marriage). It's been over another year since the claim and still don't want any of these. I've been celibate and refusing any dates. WHY? Because the PTSD has me by the nuts and it's actually causing me harm to consider being with someone. When someone gives me attention like that I end up with a panic attack, part of me convinced these people will be a repeat of the past assholes. I'm not as violent as I used to be, but I still get my violent moments on bad days. Just when I think I'm over everything, the dreams come back and I either can't sleep or wake too fucked in the head to do much but cry. Gods why can't people understand this?

I've literally had to put warnings on my profiles for men not to ask me for my number or erotic things. But they seem to ignore this thinking they are special and exempt from this. They drop the word "friends" and then the word "cuddle" which lately the word cuddle is a substitute for "sex". When the hell did friends come with the assumption of "with benefits"?! This is quite disturbing. It's like the older I get the less I'm able to have friends for friends' sake. I'm almost ok with my hermit lifestyle if this is how it's going to be.

If the off chance that my one in a hundred occurrence of finding my soul mate will happen again and I find someone who I know I'll love the rest of my days with all I am.... I might be inclined to try again. But that person will also have to put up with my 50 shades of crazy when it comes to the phobias against sex, being touched and men. And will need to be able to subdue an attack without hurting me. This is not going to be a fun time... To be honest, I don't want a relationship if it doesn't have that depth. It will just be going through the motions, not happy in life and a term away from being whoring myself for something again.

But when I was approached by some guy who is older than one of my parents, just creepy, I noticed something; it's not the single people who are selfish. I ended up having to tell him, "You are lonely and dislike it. You have a void that you are trying to fill with another person. You assume that since you feel bad and lonely that I do. You think I'm hot and would be a nice edition to your life. You like my intellect and talent, you feel they'll make me an interesting partner, but they will be what will upset you in a min. You like my world view despite we have opposing world views and mine is in massive opposition. You want a companion and think I would be her. You call me a gift from God but you ignore that I'm more evil than a satanist. You call yourself a compassionate listener, but are not hearing what I say. None of what you want has anything to do with what I want or need. You don't care about who I am as a person, just using me as some trophy to fill something you think you need."

Now why is it that those who choose to remain single because they need to work on themselves or are trying to achieve a goal that is unobtainable with another the ones who are selfish? Could it be those who are trying to fill a void via sex or relationships the ones who are being selfish as while their pursuit of another person has nothing to do with that person and more to do with what they want/need?