Musings of a Dragonatrix

It is no secret by now that the dragon side of me resents being in a human flesh bag. I notice that during the days I have a relapse or terror that makes my mind weaker I become very disgusted with myself. I find my dragon side absolutely degrading the human psyche for being so weak. I am impatient with that part of me because I am a dragon soul, I am above humanity, I should be past all that plagues the human mind. It's supposed to be a wondrous thing with unlimited potential, yet so fragile that it breaks with the slightest emotional issue. I wonder if my resisting therapy is the dragon part refusing to accept this weakness. I can't seem to pull my personalities together again because one half is disgusted with the other's weakness. I shouldn't need to have help and I should damn well have been over a pair of jackasses by now.

I have been keeping an eye on my mental state since I found out schizophrenia is heavily genetic. The psychologists I saw as a teen did not seem concerned about it. In fact the last one went "you're just sociopathic, no drug will help you and there's nothing I can do." Then wiped his hands of me. I have been working to keep myself in line on my own, esp the past four years as I developed an inability to trust anyone including myself so definitely was not going to a stranger to help me. I question how urgently I need to seek a psychologist because I don't know if my issues are due to the decades of trauma or if my psychotic break four years ago triggered a latent or controlled mental condition. Here are some things that make me question. I mentioned genetics because of the people I know of my relatives, 3 of 15 have been institutionalized for schizophrenia, schizoid effective and schizotypal (1 I know, 2 I know of). Pretty much one per generation have gotten hosp...

What Does Being Spiritually Modified Mean? I have pondered upon this and for once I have been all over the place in finding the words to write especially since I was trying to keep this strictly within the body modification realm. I will admit that I have not been in the right mind this year and very dissociated from myself so I cannot seem to connect to the part of me who channels the words my conscious cannot muster, but I shall do my best. To define what being "spiritually modified" means is a life-long journey unto itself. I don't know if I can fully answer this at the moment since it raises more questions than answers. Separately the terms define as follows. Spiritual refers to the supernatural. It is one's soul and the connection with the energy currents that run through the Universe. Modified has a polar definition: it is augmented, changed and converted, yet diminished, restricted and limited at the same time. Literally it can be defined as "a changed s...