Ne Izi Gar Reflections
Ne Izi Gar is the Mesopotamian Month of Ghosts per the Nippur calendar. It lasts a whole month at the end of our summer that is devoted to the ancestors, like a Ramadan to the Dead. There appears to be three ways this is celebrated among Sumerian Reconstructionists: honour them once with offerings at the beginning and leave the offerings through the month, honour Inana's descent then rise into the Underworld, or do daily prayers and offerings to the dead. Here is what I did followed by my reflections:
I called upon Nehebkau, an Egyptian serpent dragon who guards the gates of the Underworld, delivers food offerings to the dead, and protects against the venom of vipers and scorpions. I asked him to open the gates and make sure the dead got their offerings. The daily work had incense, prayers, shared meals, meditation, etc. to all of the dead. I did not limit it to my own ancestors. I did call to my family to try to bridge gaps that were impassible in life. After weeks of work I still got the cold shoulder; not attacked or blocked like an enemy, just "no." Half way through I did a major ritual to the Death itself and the Ancestral Dragon of my people. I had honoured Death, the process of decay, the beauty of the transition and its place in life, and finally I asked for the part of me that needed the people who don't love me/disowned me to die off so that I may move on. I needed to have any cords left from the family line cut if they truly wanted me gone so they were not feeding from me (as the dead do) without giving me the support in return. That felt good to do, but a few seem to check in every so often, maybe they listened just not very quickly as they have healing of their own to do in the afterlife. The last day I brought back Nehebkau to usher the dead back and close the gates. I left all of the residual offerings at the beach so any stragglers wouldn't be walking through my home as I closed the protection up again.
My Reflection:
That month last year showed me something that troubled me. While I have been able to tend the Dead everywhere I go, my own lineage leaves a sour taste. I am always the strongest in groups with ancestors when it comes to summoning ancestors in the ground beneath us, the attendees' families, recently deceased (to usher them to the next life), doing requiems, being a death dula, etc. but trying to work with my own line (the "ancestors of blood" part of the incantations) feels direly wrong in the pit of my stomach. No amount of soul searching has to come up with a definitive answer to if it is my reaction to the abuse, negligence, and disownment of known ancestors or if it is them saying "no thanks, we want no part of this."
I have dug deep and asked around for a year now with no answer or yielding more aggression and confusion over it. So I sit at the start of Ne Izi Gar 2016 feeling like "fuck it" because I don't know how to praise ancestors when one group keep feeling wrong on a deep soul/gut level. Maybe if I dig deep enough into one of my cultures I'll scrounge up someone who isn't affected by the "family curse" of abuse and abandonment, how sad it is that it comes to that. How should I be fighting this as an ordained priestess?
Reflection After a Reading:
I consulted IFA about something else and the idea of being cautious about working with the dead who might not have been good people in life. I decided to ask the question about my ancestors. The Baba agreed that since my ancestors were abusive in life that it was ok to keep them at arms length. I can go ahead and not work with them in good conscience.
I called upon Nehebkau, an Egyptian serpent dragon who guards the gates of the Underworld, delivers food offerings to the dead, and protects against the venom of vipers and scorpions. I asked him to open the gates and make sure the dead got their offerings. The daily work had incense, prayers, shared meals, meditation, etc. to all of the dead. I did not limit it to my own ancestors. I did call to my family to try to bridge gaps that were impassible in life. After weeks of work I still got the cold shoulder; not attacked or blocked like an enemy, just "no." Half way through I did a major ritual to the Death itself and the Ancestral Dragon of my people. I had honoured Death, the process of decay, the beauty of the transition and its place in life, and finally I asked for the part of me that needed the people who don't love me/disowned me to die off so that I may move on. I needed to have any cords left from the family line cut if they truly wanted me gone so they were not feeding from me (as the dead do) without giving me the support in return. That felt good to do, but a few seem to check in every so often, maybe they listened just not very quickly as they have healing of their own to do in the afterlife. The last day I brought back Nehebkau to usher the dead back and close the gates. I left all of the residual offerings at the beach so any stragglers wouldn't be walking through my home as I closed the protection up again.
My Reflection:
That month last year showed me something that troubled me. While I have been able to tend the Dead everywhere I go, my own lineage leaves a sour taste. I am always the strongest in groups with ancestors when it comes to summoning ancestors in the ground beneath us, the attendees' families, recently deceased (to usher them to the next life), doing requiems, being a death dula, etc. but trying to work with my own line (the "ancestors of blood" part of the incantations) feels direly wrong in the pit of my stomach. No amount of soul searching has to come up with a definitive answer to if it is my reaction to the abuse, negligence, and disownment of known ancestors or if it is them saying "no thanks, we want no part of this."
I have dug deep and asked around for a year now with no answer or yielding more aggression and confusion over it. So I sit at the start of Ne Izi Gar 2016 feeling like "fuck it" because I don't know how to praise ancestors when one group keep feeling wrong on a deep soul/gut level. Maybe if I dig deep enough into one of my cultures I'll scrounge up someone who isn't affected by the "family curse" of abuse and abandonment, how sad it is that it comes to that. How should I be fighting this as an ordained priestess?
Reflection After a Reading:
I consulted IFA about something else and the idea of being cautious about working with the dead who might not have been good people in life. I decided to ask the question about my ancestors. The Baba agreed that since my ancestors were abusive in life that it was ok to keep them at arms length. I can go ahead and not work with them in good conscience.
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