A Feather is not Always Just a Feather
It is said that sometimes a dream is
just a dream, or a feather is just a feather. Upon looking back over
the past year I would beg to differ. The following are some dreams,
visions and events of the past year that all seem to correlate into
one large message.... just what that message could be exactly is
another story...
Dream-Periodically from September through November 2009:
***I was in a Samhain ritual with my ex and our newest clan-member. I didn't see her face, she was a bit chubby with black hair but I never saw her face. I watched as he got a little too friendly then initiated sex between them.
Dream-Occasionally from October 2009 through March 2010: (the next three kind of progress)
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. When he started to pull out of the parking lot he looked at me and was faceless.
(At this time he had a small gray ae86 then a green soarer. )
Dream-Frequently from May 2010 through August 2010:
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. As he started to back out I stood behind the car and he ran me over.
Dream and Vision-Pretty frequently from July 2010 through October 2010: (about June he got the black four door)
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. I walked outside calmly and stood behind his car. "Get out of the way or I'll run you over!" he yelled. I simply replied "If you never loved me, let's see if this hurts you" and I blow my head off.
What happens next varies. In one version he got out of the car and cried over my body while my sister watched with her daughter. Another he got out and screamed at how stupid I was. The more violent ending was him yelling in rage then ran over my body a few times before driving off.
(Now put these together and if I truly listened to my dreams and not those involved than I would've not been hurt so bad by the events as they unfolded. I may have just not tried to work things out with him back in Nov, after talking to him the last day he was here it made it feel like I was being played with the idea that we were working things out when he didn't want to)
Animalistic Happenings:
*I was given a feather as a sign of kinship from my 'sister' from an owl that is her family's totem in October 2009.
*During a high stress time around May 2010 I had to go for a drive. I was channeling rage from three people and was close to going for blood from one of the other two. A mountain drive to the beach always makes me feel better. The cops kept chasing me away from the beach cause it was past the parking times. I turned up the coast and drive till the 'death canyon pass' as I've come to call it. It's a severely winding mountain road that's one car wide with no lights or guard rails. As I was going around a 20 degree turn a red tailed hawk flew in an attack pose at my windshield. That was her personal totem so it kind of snapped me into "should go home" mode. I got home to blood in the bathroom and a bandaged ex.
*The next day after the hawk incident I was leaving for a foot zone therapy appointment. I left the pool area, heard a scuffle and a flight feather of the same owl as the kinship owl came falling out of the sky and hit my head. I looked at it and it was battle torn with blood on it. I cleaned it up a little and kept it. At first I heard the typical "sometimes a feather is just a feather" line from her. Something told me to keep it and look back on it later. The only birds that ever come in the area of my place big enough to take on an owl are ravens, which is one of my totems I see from time to time.
Recent events:
*I was walking in Hollywood after visiting a necromancy store and my apothecary. I saw this perfectly cleaned flawless pigeon skull sitting to my right, facing West. I had this need to take it home. I took it home and looked at the shamanistic and necromantic meanings to the finding.
*While reorganizing my necromancy altar to include my new acquisitions I picked up the beaten feather and had a flash in my mind about the day I got it.
*Yesterday while I was sitting stewing about the whole situation I saw a flash of a white wolf cub, not a month old. It was sitting next to me on my right, looked at me, whimpered and disappeared. I have not been able to sleep since. For lack of sleep I hit the old shamanistic herbs to force a trance meeting, but the lil one did not come to answer my questions.
Dream-Periodically from September through November 2009:
***I was in a Samhain ritual with my ex and our newest clan-member. I didn't see her face, she was a bit chubby with black hair but I never saw her face. I watched as he got a little too friendly then initiated sex between them.
Dream-Occasionally from October 2009 through March 2010: (the next three kind of progress)
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. When he started to pull out of the parking lot he looked at me and was faceless.
(At this time he had a small gray ae86 then a green soarer. )
Dream-Frequently from May 2010 through August 2010:
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. As he started to back out I stood behind the car and he ran me over.
Dream and Vision-Pretty frequently from July 2010 through October 2010: (about June he got the black four door)
***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. I walked outside calmly and stood behind his car. "Get out of the way or I'll run you over!" he yelled. I simply replied "If you never loved me, let's see if this hurts you" and I blow my head off.
What happens next varies. In one version he got out of the car and cried over my body while my sister watched with her daughter. Another he got out and screamed at how stupid I was. The more violent ending was him yelling in rage then ran over my body a few times before driving off.
(Now put these together and if I truly listened to my dreams and not those involved than I would've not been hurt so bad by the events as they unfolded. I may have just not tried to work things out with him back in Nov, after talking to him the last day he was here it made it feel like I was being played with the idea that we were working things out when he didn't want to)
Animalistic Happenings:
*I was given a feather as a sign of kinship from my 'sister' from an owl that is her family's totem in October 2009.
*During a high stress time around May 2010 I had to go for a drive. I was channeling rage from three people and was close to going for blood from one of the other two. A mountain drive to the beach always makes me feel better. The cops kept chasing me away from the beach cause it was past the parking times. I turned up the coast and drive till the 'death canyon pass' as I've come to call it. It's a severely winding mountain road that's one car wide with no lights or guard rails. As I was going around a 20 degree turn a red tailed hawk flew in an attack pose at my windshield. That was her personal totem so it kind of snapped me into "should go home" mode. I got home to blood in the bathroom and a bandaged ex.
*The next day after the hawk incident I was leaving for a foot zone therapy appointment. I left the pool area, heard a scuffle and a flight feather of the same owl as the kinship owl came falling out of the sky and hit my head. I looked at it and it was battle torn with blood on it. I cleaned it up a little and kept it. At first I heard the typical "sometimes a feather is just a feather" line from her. Something told me to keep it and look back on it later. The only birds that ever come in the area of my place big enough to take on an owl are ravens, which is one of my totems I see from time to time.
Recent events:
*I was walking in Hollywood after visiting a necromancy store and my apothecary. I saw this perfectly cleaned flawless pigeon skull sitting to my right, facing West. I had this need to take it home. I took it home and looked at the shamanistic and necromantic meanings to the finding.
*While reorganizing my necromancy altar to include my new acquisitions I picked up the beaten feather and had a flash in my mind about the day I got it.
*Yesterday while I was sitting stewing about the whole situation I saw a flash of a white wolf cub, not a month old. It was sitting next to me on my right, looked at me, whimpered and disappeared. I have not been able to sleep since. For lack of sleep I hit the old shamanistic herbs to force a trance meeting, but the lil one did not come to answer my questions.
Now looking at all of these separately they seem to be "just dreams/visions/fears/feathers" but when it's brought together they take on an ominous presence.
The hawk attacking my car could be taken one of three ways. It can be seen as a warning of her attacking/harming me, warning of her death (birds flying at your window is said to be sign of death), or it was a warning from her that I needed to get home ASAP. I am leaning towards the latter of the options, especially since I got home and found the violence.
The battle-torn feather carried a lot of signs. The new kinship totem owl was attacked by my personal totem bird. Those birds only attack when protection is needed, and no it was not during nesting season. This in itself could be taken as a sign that the kinship was bad. Then add in the factor of the feather hitting me in a broken state. It can be the raven smacking me in the head with the message of the kinship was broken. When placed along side the other kinship feather a piece of fluff will fall off the first feather. Again something that could be simplistic, but also ominous of dying kinship.
The pigeon skull I covered in a journal but will re-discuss it. The pigeon is in the same family as the doves. They are messenger birds to the land of the dead, they represent accepting gentleness, bring love and compassion. The skull is where the birds' internal magnet is, the organ that guides them. The West represents adaptability and change. The right side is masculine, it represents your male energies and inner warrior. Now putting this factors together and you could deduce that it was a message to bring peace to my inner warrior, who has been crying for the blood of those who betrayed, and to adapt that part of myself into a more gentle warrior for a time. There is a time and place when brutal hatred is needed, but this seems not one of those.
The wolf is many things: Facing the end of one's cycle with dignity and courage, Death and rebirth, Spirit teaching, Guidance in dreams and meditations, Instinct linked with intelligence, Social and familial values, Outwitting enemies, Ability to pass unseen, Steadfastness, Skill in protection of self and family, Taking advantage of change. Also it's herd-mind, following the pack without question. A large black wolf has been guarding my tribe for many years, he seems to show up for me during times of dire need even though I'm not 100% native. Before it's argued that black means evil, black is alchemically Saturn and element earth. Ironically the tribe sees black as earth as well. White is often veiwed as death in the oldest of cultures, alchemically it's moon and water. I will admit to not knowing the tribal view on white. The number 1 is viewed as 'something has come'. On my right is again the masculine/inner warrior.
Now knowing wolf nature, a cub that young would not be left alone like that. It would have at least one parent with it. Wolves are usually only alone when they lost their pack to death, are mourning loss of their family (in the case of one being out hunting and having it's mate and cubs die before returning), or when ostracized. Taking all of that into consideration, I have no clue why the lil one showed up.... It can be a sign of how I was pushed out of my pack and am in a period of rebirth. It could also be a sign to protect myself and leave all ties to that former pack. It could also be a sign to stay with the pack through the pain and have a period of rebirth. Is the wolf a symbol of me? Is it a sign of what I should do and if so which direction is it suggesting? Further meditations will be needed.
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