Musings of a Dragonatrix

Again something told to me once by a former suitor rings in my head. "You are beautiful, rare, and unique like an elusive white rhino. Extremely rare to find in the wild and when you are spotted you are only to be enjoyed in your habitat, not possessed. You deserve only to be free." Every time I come across a good man I tend to hear the same damned things, "you are a good woman, you deserve <insert something they don't think they can give>" or "I will probably hurt you more and you don't deserve that." If I'm such a good woman why can I not get a good man? Why is it the only men who want anything to do with me are the creeps? If I am so damn valuable why does no one see it? As many of my friends notice, I have men throwing themselves at me, but they are not ones of a quality I need or want in my life. The ones who I keep getting are the ones who hear I lost my fiance and go "so want me to come over?" Or who see my friend walk...

or so the bi line reads and the media likes to portray. There is a dark seedy issue in the states that people don't like to talk about so other countries don't really know about. If you are not white and Christian you might as well pretend very well. The Jews seem to do well enough for themselves too. But over all this place is rough if you are of mixed heritage or non-white, and even worse if you are not Christian. There has always been racial tension here since our inception, especially among the hybrids. But the good thing about hybrids is sometimes we can camouflage into demographics to make things easier on ourselves until we're discovered This is an entry from my G+ showing what my experience Tuesday was: So it was brought up earlier about why I had to have a knife on me when I go on the bus. What happened while I was in Compton was more than enough of a show. It was not as extreme as the dick against my ass in Hollywood while waiting for class to start, but ...

This is a venture that vexed me for nigh a month. I kept trying to dig lore specific to Morocco. I refused to accept that a country did not have some depiction of a dragon especially when they have a word for it. I tried every form of "Moroccan dragon" into Google search and even tattoos and it would come back with nothing but Chinese dragons. Even the Arabic henna designs would have Chinese dragons complete with the Chinese kanji. I'm not an idiot, if I'm looking up Arabic henna designs and want a dragon I'm not going to write a Chinese kanji thinking it's Arabic >.> I digressed there for a second, back on topic. I got to looking at the tattoo art and I noticed that there was heavy Indian influence. I also noticed the textile designs and art seemed to line up more with Persian than Egyptian. Egypt is closer so for a second it did not make sense. I started to remember my Comparative Mythology reading and remembered there were common lineages with Vedic...

I know I get some detailed gross dreams, but magnesium just makes them worse. Doing 1500 mg. I was a drakkin working as a teacher's aid in a specialaist training school. I left and went over to the spa. I spot a few friends. As I join them I notice pain in my legs. I veered off to the housing area and into my apt. Wasting no time, I lay down with a chilled blanket over my legs. After a few hours I awoke and noticed more pain. I pulled back the blanket to notice the carapaces of at least 30 long, thin wasp like creatures. They were maybe 1/4" wide. Each had died and ripped a hole into my canvas jeans. I slowly pull them off, the husks hitting the floor in a pile, revealing the horror underneath. Each of the wasps had stung me with massive stingers and left them in the necrotizing wounds. Their venom was so potent that it even ate through our scaling. The stingers varied in size from half to an inch in width and at least an inch long. They had a barbed outter sheath which help...

I was listening to a lecture in the anxiety summit where the speaker was lecturing about how depression works. He spoke on a study where they forced mice to swim until they gave up. I suddenly remembered about how animals will go off from their pack when they are ill, crawling off to die. As the lecture went on he started saying the depression symptoms are supposed to protect the body. We get away from others, find somewhere dark and quite, sleep more, maybe eat less, all that allows the body to rest and repair. It was when it is chronic that it is seen as a problem. I always had this thought of my hermitism and celibacy both were a human form of crawling off to die. Now I find out it is an instinctual mechanism for the body to try to heal. Don't feel so off about it.

Within Gematria it is said that if two words or phrases equal each other then there are interrelating correspondences. To boil it down, if they equal each other they are the same. Long time ago I had checked my name and came up with a list of words that if you look at them they are slightly disturbing. Looking at them the other day I could not resist putting them into narrative form. They will be listed capitalized in Bold. A dream I've had since I was a child written to include the words that are within my Gematria correspondences: Upon the Bad Moon in the dead of night, The Fiend awakens and stretches her winged Basilisk form. The first thing on her mind was Kill Kill Kill. The Lord of some texts has deemed this night the Armageddon . The Cold Blood ed Demiurge has taken up her seat of power upon a Mighty and active Volcano . Since the world would not bow and worship her in her full glory as they are supposed to. She sits Hate-Filled and Calculated awaiting ...

I just blew my mind while messing with numerology. I sometimes run odd calculations when I get muddled by the ones I'm actually working on. The typical way to do the birth number calculation is per number. Shall use my birthday. - 1+0+0+7+1+9+8+1= 27 = 2+7= 9 I decided to see what would happen if I added the month to the date to the year as a lump: - 10+7+1981= 1998 = 27 = 9 It works with today's date as well: - 5+4+2+0+1+4= 16 = 7   vs   5+4+2014= 2023 = 2+2+3= 7 To further add to the mind blowing... 1998 was my glory year where I had everything I ever wanted in life (including having my musical talent broadcasted on worldwide tv and touring the us and canada) and was at my happiest. 27 is the year that the events that lead to my psychotic break and redefining "hell" started. I still love the number, it's always been my fave and a highly spiritual number 3^3, esp for draconic work.