Musings of a Dragonatrix

Without going too much TMI I will muse upon some things about growing up and finding out I was one of the non-gendered. I was always a bit weird growing up. My body had this boyish look, but for all medical appearances I was a girl. I grew fast, adult sized and functions by 9 but halted development there. I was a flat chested girl with masculine features and could bulk develop muscles like the guys. I took advantage of it to try to build health, but I stayed obese despite the time constantly working out in what is now called cross-fit (180 from age 9 to 18). The boyish figure got comments like "why is that boy getting his nails painted?" I got more of a female figure when my thyroid failed and I gained 200 lbs at 19. Physicality wise: I noticed I was getting complaints about being too small. The doctors even noticed that the usual instruments didn't work on me. As I learned more about anatomy vs myself, I realized I wasn't functioning or appearing fully like how nor...

This year we did a Nowruz celebration since there was a growing family in my home. I had previously only bought some food and finger wiggled over the holiday since no one wanted to join me in celebrating it. It was only the fiance and myself, but it's a start. I hope to grow it into a larger event next year. I made some traditional foods (took over two rooms actually, I just ran out of space on my art table lol) and made the table to Ama-Tiamat. Instead of this holiday being devoted to Marduk killing our mother as it is traditionally, I reclaimed it for the great mother. Amazingly enough, my Tanzanian Red Claw scorpion went and gave birth to the minute we finished dinner on the 20th! I've had her for nearly 25 months and she's been fat for 6-8 so maybe her kind does immaculate conception because there is no research for a female being gravid that long. Eighteen months seems to be the max for any species and yes some African species can asexual reproduce when lacking ...

Perhaps I'm overpowering my candles, maybe using those deities are just that damned hard hitting, maybe there was a defect in the construction of those candles for the batch I bought from the store; but there has been some weirdness lately with my black over red reversals.  I'm no stranger to these, they are a staple to my defense when I feel someone is messing with my home or sanity. I used to just do a generic "my enemy" on it, draconic runes (all candles and workings are treated with those), some DUME or Uncrossing, and went on my way (or for lesser issues, only lit it while dropping a duce, outhouse rootwork style). They usually burn down cleanly with nothing left, I toss the remainder of the glass, and that's it. But now--- Holy Hell, Inferno! The first time I attached my life long protector because some serious shyte went down, omg it was an insane candle that I thought was going to catch things on fire. It liquefied in under 24 hrs (normally th...

Here are some tips for trance work if you find yourself having a tough go at it. These are some things that helped my former students and you can adapt the advice to find something that works for you. The first few things are things ingrained in humans from our origin through DNA. Think back to indigenous tribes who used drums and other instruments around a fire with herbs while singing and dancing. They would get so far into trance that they could travel worlds, take on deities, raise the conscious energies of the whole group, just through the experience. Music: Humans have a deep genetic memory for music and we still respond to it even if we don't realize it. Play around with different frequencies, beats, instruments, genres, etc. until you find one that puts you right into the zone. I find that for me music from my various ethnicities will have the most profound effect if I'm having a difficult day getting into trance or I'm going for a really heavy experience. Somet...

I saw in a group a well detailed explanation about Cain, his lineage, and his curse. The short version had him existing 17k years ago and having a genetic deformity which makes him devoid of conscience; which made him essentially an animal and unable to understand what he did was wrong. This is why he was spared severe punishment by God. If I remember the thread properly (it is nearly 2a and I'm at work), it said Noah was his descendant, a Cabal, and carrying this defect. Everyone that was saved on the ark was a Cabal as well. The surviving Cabal are supposed to be protected by world leaders, rich, heads of media, businesses, etc. and still carrying this defect. Now I believe this defect exists because I have several that create the same situation. I have one that gives me lower dopamine receptors (equaling little to no reward feeling for doing good, less enjoyment in life, no enjoyment from food, etc.), one for lower receptors for oxytocin (little love/bonding feeling among fami...

version 1 of a larger article of Ama-Tiamat and the 218 to be included with my oracle deck. I will be working on expanding and editing as I get closer to finishing my oracle cards.  Ama Ushumgal Sumun Tiamat Ama-Tiamat is the Cosmic Universe, while her energy is the Acosmic (anti-cosmic) energy current. She existed before time with her mate, Ada-Abzu. Their waters mixed (her salt water and his fresh water) mixed in her Womb, the Primordial Void. They created the first of the gods while they dreamt their dark dreams. She created a home for their children; some residing in an area of darkness and quiet, some living in light areas and living in ruckus. Those who valued the serenity of the stillness of darkness plead with Ama-Tiamat to do something about the children who where making all of the noise in their version of living. At first she did not want to do anything because they were all her children. Those light dwellers (who became to be known as Anunnkai) felt danger comi...

This retrograde was rough. I had the flu then once I got my immune system bone broth so it could fight, it found sinus infection I hadn't known about before! Also had this horrid experience trying to get to the neurologist where I missed two buses and hurt myself, almost being late. Then the car... oh the car: I noticed my shifting was sticking for a month or so. It started randomly stalling too. One day it started making a rattle followed by this hiss that sounded like a freed wheel when I hit the clutch. I went to this place I've gone for years, my family has gone there over 10 years. The guy swore it was my water pump only. So he fixes the water pump and thermostat for 651$. I feel like it was a bit high for the shop and no way does the water pump make the shifting symptoms or the wheel noise, but repair price lower than most places so fine. Then two days later I'm driving to the new endo in heavy traffic. It is doing the same damned thing as I took it in for, sans the ...