Musings of a Dragonatrix

[00:47] KashakuTatsu but yeah, karma is completely self-inflicted.... [00:47] KashakuTatsu if you have no guilties over something done, you keep going on like nothing happened [00:48] oblivion so karma is just a mental disorder :P ? [00:49] KashakuTatsu pretty much, consciences are kind of a mental disease and it's freeing to get rid of em [00:49] KashakuTatsu >.> I need to write that down somewhere XD

It is said that sometimes a dream is just a dream, or a feather is just a feather. Upon looking back over the past year I would beg to differ. The following are some dreams, visions and events of the past year that all seem to correlate into one large message.... just what that message could be exactly is another story... Dream-Periodically from September through November 2009: ***I was in a Samhain ritual with my ex and our newest clan-member. I didn't see her face, she was a bit chubby with black hair but I never saw her face. I watched as he got a little too friendly then initiated sex between them. Dream-Occasionally from October 2009 through March 2010: (the next three kind of progress) ***It was a hot sunny day, I watched my ex back out of the parking space in a black four door car. He was leaving to move in with his new fiancee. When he started to pull out of the parking lot he looked at me and was faceless. (At this time he had a small gray ae86 then a green soarer. ) Dr...

Chaos Magick is not named because it works within the chaos current or with chaos energies. It is called chaos magick because it itself does not have structure. "Nothing is true, all is permissible" is it's only tenet. This allows you to switch between paradigms (belief sets) at any given point of time. This is the same tenet as eclectic magic. So what's the big difference? There is hairline difference between eclectic and CM. CM states "nothing is true", therefore the moment you believe something to be true it ceases to be chaos magick and becomes eclectic. You also have to stay true to which ever paradigm you chose to be in at that moment. If you are into kemetic for the particular ritual you have to only use kemetic and nothing else exists for the duration of that ritual. The moment you try to mix paradigms, it ceases to be chaos magick and becomes eclectic. Chaosophy is a path (most practice it LHP style) that's devoted to the chaos current (218). ...

These are a few exerts from a book I recently got (which is ironically the first book I've found that's dedicated to my tradition) "...his process is always painful and may tear your world apart. Relationships, views, habits, beliefs and other attachments to the world may crumble to dust if this is needed to walk the Path further. This is inevitable and is a natural part of every initiation process....If you let the forces of chaos and dissolution into your life, do not run away when they start to reap their fruit. If you find yourself depressed, tired, sick or frightened, and the whole world around you is falling apart, do not turn your back on the Path and do not quit magic because this is the very sign of initiatory forces being at work... this is not a time for self-denial or giving yourself to weakness and inertia. This is a time to embrace the transformation and rise from the Darkness of the Void to the Light of spiritual rebirth." I came across this passage ...

Near death experiences are a hot topic for most people. As a species were are fascinated by death and as a result we're really fascinated by the concept of NDEs. A bit ago I had a suicide attempt that was really close. I was interrupted by someone finding me in the shower and getting me a baby sitter for the day to make sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid again. During the attempt I saw a dark mist surround me and the familiar scenery from my home realm. My "grandmother" looked at me with rage in her fiery eyes. She flapped her wings in agitation at me and snorted a hot smoke in my direction. "You are not allowed to leave that shell yet. You are not done." It felt like I was being flung back into the fleshbag I inhabit. I came to with someone pulling me out of the shower and I heard my "grandmother's" voice, "do not do that again." Most will say that during a NDE you see light and clouds. Almost to the level that if you see so...

Vampirism is a concept of energy siphoning off of another. People who are referred to as "Real Vampires" are those who cannot produce their own energy, so are forced to take it from another. The different "types" of vampires are only really which type of feeding is preferable to the individual. It doesn't mean a different species or that you're locked into that kind of feeding. The types are just named for where the energy is pulled from. Ethically, the target is a willing donor, but it's not required. Close proximity makes the process easier, but with practice long distance feeding is possible as long as you can establish the connection with the intended target.   Anyone can do and probably has done the feeding techniques. The thing that makes the person a vampire is the need to. These techniques can be done individually or combined. There are ways of performing astral sex with a being from another plane then feeding off of it, which is both sexual...

I was recently called selfish and the guy told me that it's because I'm selfish that I'm not married.... no I was far from selfish during any of my committed relationships. It's only in the past nearing two years that I have really got the courage up to stand on my own and live for myself. I finally get to know who I am as a person and not who I am when I'm with someone. My health is no longer last in the priority list to whatever the other person needed to be happy. I am doing things that make me happy because living to please others only did not give me true happiness. I thought I was happy because programming said I was to be happy doing all this, but deep down it felt like a hell. My inner child was not taken care of, my id was ignored, my ego completely crushed by others, this was not happiness. My therapist who helped me through a lot of the PTS from the last relationship gave me permission to be selfish and take time to heal myself from all angles. Last yea...

Growing up I kept hearing "you should grow up before getting into relationships" and similar statements. I never really got the concept in my youth. Of course I felt I knew who I was, I was solid, I knew what I was doing and I was grown. I had no way to grasp the concept back then, it really was something I had to experience. I've been in relationships for the better part of 16 years, never staying single for more than a few days. It was almost like I was scared to be alone. I always identified myself as "so&so's wife", "I'm with him" or "Mrs. so&so". It's like I couldn't identify my Self or I didn't feel that I was worthy enough without being someone's wife. It was hard for me to take pride in anything that I did unless it was validated by the person I was with. It was within the past two years that I've noticed that I really didn't take time to explore who I was first. I was told by a therapist who ...

I'm getting annoyed about being associated as pagan anymore. All this "all pagans believe..." propaganda that's spewed out even in pagan communities is just giving us all a bad name. If I didn't know what pagan truly was I would've just been nihilist. We didn't start out nature worshipers, we don't all worship nature now, we don't all believe in good over evil, we don't all work for light/love, we don't all follow the same holidays, we don't all believe in karma, we don't all follow harm none, wiccan/witch/pagan/shaman "all the same woman just with different titles.... um NO, all gods aren't the same one with different names/aspects, we don't all believe in the same drivel... hence [b]umbrella term[/b]. It's getting to the point where the market is so supersaturated with this crap that when I say I'm pagan people shyte themselves when they find out I work with necromancy and live sacrifices.... "you'r...

Otherkin and Therian are terms for those who believe they have non-human souls. This isn't linked to any specific spirituality. There are those who have this belief who follow are agnostic (something's out there but I don't want to say what it is or follow it), athiest (acknowledge religion and reject it), nihilist (rejects all belief systems), pagan, christian (or other judaic faith), or a spiritual practice from their past lives as whatever being they believe themselves to be. That being said, many younger otherkins will sit there and say "nothing in me is human" with such fervor that you would swear they had alien bodies. There is a huge difference between a soul and the physical body it inhabits. No matter what the soul is (human, dragon, wolf, starchild, etc), it is within a human body and brain. If you take a dna sample from an otherkin and a 'normal' human it would match. What you'd gain from being non-human would only show in non-physical asp...

During a conversation with an employee we were discussing a situation where I was deeply hurt by a betrayal. She kept bringing up that I shouldn't be hurt because this person was doing what s/he wanted and my belief really has no laws but one "stagnation is the only sin". So religiously this person was not acting in a sinful manner so I shouldn't have been emotionally hurt by the act of betrayal. Her whole three hour argument with me kept putting emotional status and religious belief as the same thing. It was like she was forgetting that humans are a bit more complicated than that. Yes we are animals so in an essence things could be simple, but we have many layers that complicates things. I was betrayed, told a lie that I was trying to trust to be the truth and found out I was a fool. My ego took a hit cause I allowed myself to be lead astray by not following my gut feelings. My Id took a much larger hit and it's the one that's causing me stress while sleepi...

It has come to me in a realization that empaths don't feel something about someone, they pick up how that person feels about themselves. When I was forcing myself to feel self-doubt cause I could not get myself to believe in common morals and ethics, I'd get a lot more "you're in turmoil" or "you're evil" from sensitives. Now that I just accepted that I don't believe in them and go about my life in my amoral way and stopped trying to understand why I couldn't swallow the bs and now I get "you're a good person", "you're very happy" "you're loving" .... really now? The big change is my body language. When I was emotionally hurting myself I looked like it. They can try to say they were reading my energy, but the way I spoke, acted, portrayed myself showed I was not happy. Now that I shed caring, I've been walking around confident, strong and sure of myself. This puts off a very different result in ...

Gnosis (enlightenment) is the process of gaining knowledge (Daath) and tempering it with experience (wisdom). This process is unique to the individual and there is no one way to get there. It is about the journey not the end result. Many feel they have hit enlightenment when they feel a shift in how they view the world. Most will say they are enlightened when they fit the mold of how another is when they felt enlightened. If the latter is the case, I came out of the womb enlightened and unenlightened when my worldview changed. There are as many paths to enlightenment as there are people on the planet. Most people attempt the Buddhist way and even the love/light version. But there is a path to the same goal through “darker” methods. One such way is to go into the abyss to face Chronozon (the dragon of daath), if you pass the test then you are considered enlightened. A lot of the “darker” methods rip open your psyche, resulting in a period of psychosis that you have to figh...

For this blog, refer back to the blog on the currents. The super string theory is gaining popularity among the scientific community as an explanation of multiple dimensions/realms/planes. In the theory it explains how there is a dimension for each type of energy in which that energy exists. Humans live in 5 of them, the 3D we're all aware of, sound and time. The theory states there are 36 (26 for one classification of energy and 10 for another) possible dimensions, but of course it could be more if the theory is off. At the moment we have no concrete way to gauge the amount or existence of dimensions. For now we'll use the string theory.  Given that we know the existence of other dimensions and that energy flows through the Universe keeping everything flowing, we can safely assume that some dimensions will be more in one energy current than others. Basically a dimension could be more, if not all, in the necrosophic current than another. Given this assumption, is it so...

I found it very hard to believe in many concepts that people call "truths" from a young age. I was always questioning and felt off even when I played along with my family to avoid being beaten. I had a shamanistic view about the world and have always had a skeptical view on such notions like good and evil. I was constantly questioning and debating claims from the bible my grandparents tried to brainwash me with. I refused to believe my dreams, visions and connection with the dead were sins given to me by Satan and were a test to see if I could be righteous and not use them. I learned quickly to not bring it up. During first and second grade I attended an academy and we studied some anthropology. Once I got my nose into Egyptian, Greek, Roman and Native mythology sets I was hooked. I found myself in a different home in jr high so I was able to really study more. I stayed mostly with the Native beliefs during a period of time where I was really proud of that part of my heritage...

We are lead to believe that balance is the state of being totally at peace and at one with the Universe. But I ask, if the Universe is not in a stagnated state then how are we at one with it by being stagnated ourselves? Stagnation is an afront to how the Universe works and thusly to Nature.... it is my religion's only "sin". It is drilled into us that karma is this ideal that things need to be in this state of stagnated balance and if you do anything to upset it then something will happen identical to what you did to balance it back out. This again leads to stagnation and thusly sinning against the Universe. To be in balance with the Universe you must practice within all of the currents. You need to not merely acknowledge that they exist but experience and use them equally. We are charged with helping to keep things flowing, not as a ruler of Nature, but as a part of the Universe we inhabit. To throw it too far in one direction or halt things completely will only do ...

There are currents running through the universe that keep all in balance. The energies flow through and connect each of the dimensions/planes. Each of these currents will affect us in one way or another whether we acknowledge it or not. Just because each of these will affect us it does not mean all will resonate with us equally. There are many who are born attuned to one over the other, but true balance cannot be achieved without working with and understanding each of them. Causal- This current is cause and effect, karmic. It contains the 93 (physical) and 23 (dream) currents. Here is where you'll find the typical platitudes of spirituality.  Laws (spiritual and mundane) do apply here and punishments are felt as consequences of breaking those laws. These are the energy currents everyone is familiar with. Acausal- This current is random, karma does not apply. It is the 218 current. This is the realm of azerate (the children of Tiamat), it is chaos and darkness. It is the pur...

Chaos is quite possibly the most misunderstood force in the Universe. Through years of social conditioning , chaos has come to mean anarchy and an evil thing that needs to be brought to order and enlightened. Newer chaos deities become arch-typed as dimwitted and devils. Chaos was oversimplified and pigeon-holed by the ego of miniscule mortal man. Our lives at their longest are a mere quark in comparison to the span of eternity. Who are we to try to tell the energies of the Universe how they are to act and change the very laws of existence? Chaos is the very essence of life. It's formless, endless, timeless, immeasurable, raw energy that is not bound by law (human or cosmic). To understand forever is to only understand a fraction of it's true nature. We are born from it, grow because of it, and return to it when we die. It is not to be harnessed and tamed. It is to be honoured for what it is. Artists truly tap into chaos when they do their work. Think of the board as the phys...